Josh Dugan Where You At

Furner, Just Admit It.

The Raiders are deeply entrenched – languishing, even - in the hog-wallow at the bottom of the ladder. They have lost their grip. Watching them play requires a great, marrow-taxing exertion of patience and stamina. It leaves me wrung-out, and with a filthy feeling that lingers for a long time. Who needs this? Not fucking me.

At the very least, their work-rates and demeanors are not living up to that of their namesakes.  The Vikings were manly and drank out of skulls and didn’t take any crap from anybody. I can’t help feeling like the Raiders have moved far, far away from these roots. Victor the Viking’s pre-game dancing is more menacing than the entire current Raiders playing team combined. I’m no marketing expert, but I think this means brand Raider has an image problem.

Of course, the Raiders also have injury problems. This is convenient, as it allows David Furner to maintain his veneer of delusion and lies when confronted with suggestions that things may not be going so well for him as coach.  News of inane and bizarre injuries do not help. In fact, it is fucking distracting. For example:

Jack-Boom Wighton is out for the season after a freak accident sustained WHILE BOUNCING ON A TRAMPOLINE AT HIS HOME which did terrible damage TO HIS LITTLE TOE. (My brother, spluttering and very near speechless – “A trampoline??? Does he have kids??? Who bounces on a trampoline??? Who even has a trampoline???)

What can you say? He lives in Canberra. It’s a full life.

((“Just twelve months ago, young Jack Wighton was working as an office trainee packing envelopes at Raiders headquarters in Canberra.”)) 

Anyway. Watching that god-awful 40-0 affair on the weekend I was struck afresh by their irredeemable badness.

Still, I felt cheered because I thought for sure that the fact that coach Furner is grooming the corpse of a dramatically dead football team had been demonstrated perfectly over an entire 80 minute period. And, y’know, I was hoping that this would lead to his termination and expulsion. Effective immediately.

Yeah, no. Not only did this not happen, he also said he took a variety of positives from the game. Astonishing! The man is committing numberless offences against my sensibilities; he’s turning me into a mouth-frothing hell-cat, I’m losing my fucking grip here and he thinks things look positive?? Fuck you, Furner!

I have enough yawning-void and looming-ruin type stuff in my daily life. Plus there’s winter to contend with. Winter brings a whole raft of problems. How to source a bulk load of the goose fat I like to coat myself in, for example.  It also requires a substantial rearranging of my fragmented psyche. So, you know, I really do not need an additional motive for agitation here.   

I could do without the Raiders sucking this badly, basically.

Jarrod Croker.  Jesus-mother, we need to talk about Jarrod.

(("This counts as a tackle, right??"))

Croker doesn’t look like he is even playing football anymore. Croker looks like he is playing a game of Catch the Oily Pig, and not actually catching any oily pigs.  

Is it neurological wherewithal he lacks? Is anemia or neuralgia or something causing him to be a slow flaccid mess? He hasn’t always missed this many tackles has he? Surely he hasn’t always been so absurdly, cartoonishly bad? Why is no one talking about him? Is it because he already looks like a refugee from a Dickens tale who is prone to suicidal despair? Why is no one talking about the Raiders in general? Why does Travis Waddell still have a contract? Why hasn’t anyone keyed Furner’s car/face/person? Why does Furner still have a contract??

Am I the only one asking these questions?

Here are the texts my brother sent me during and after the game. He too feels this hurt very deeply.

I just walked in to see the try from a scrum knock on. Great work

Furner can’t read

Marshmallow

Jasper would be able to tackle better than that   (Jasper is our mother’s foolish crippled whippet.)

That is about as good as Croker can do – tackle a man who is already down

Did he let in another?

What are the commentators saying?

Titans aren’t going to finish last and I can see the Panthers and Eels springing a few more upsets, so you know where that leaves us…

I’m long gone   (he left – fled, you could say)

Dugan looked uncomfortable from what I saw of him – will he be wearing 6 next week?

Wouldn’t matter how bad he went, with Furner in charge and Croker still in 3, Dugan could let in 50 points a game and still be 6 in 2015.

Not that I blame Dugan of course

Furner….

Were there comments about Furner or the future of the club?

Jesus… But the club will not ever change anything will it… Keep the coach and keep re-signing shit players. In HQ they must think that everyone else is wrong and their time will come. The 3^rd Reich will be back before the Raiders.

Aside from all the obvious issues, they are not going to win games without a real captain who can talk at the players. Campo wasn’t much of a captain but he was still the best man for the job. They really need to consider buying a senior marquee player. Like Orford….

God damn, just kick them out of the comp so no one has to care anymore. And let Furner carry the drinks and the oranges at halftime.

Watching Footy Show highlights of Tiger tries and Croker was involved in all tries (apart from one)!!!

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“They” “say” a little failure is good. Gives your face some texture.

“They” also “say” drinking your morning urine is a useful and healthful habit.

“It” is all “relative”, but, really, enough already.