Somedays I tire of the white noise generator rigged up to my surround sound system. I can change the settings, from, say 'whispers of ghost children' to 'moans of slaughterhouse cows', but sometimes the psyche needs something, oh, I don't know... more.
This is where Fox Sports 2 comes into its own. It does 'unobtrusive ocker droning' very well.
It was all blahhdy "the boys" this "the boys" that blahhh, UNTIL:
"Up for grabs tonight - a Cam Smith oil painting"- cue me knocking over my chair in my haste to get to the TV to get a look. I make it just in time to see that it's a painting of Cameron Smith rather than a painting by Cameron Smith. Disappointment. Fuck life.
I totally envisaged, in the split second it took me to leap up and leg it to the lounge room, some kind of swashbuckling, Napoleonic self portrait of Smith astride a milk-white stead against a backdrop of razed villages and burning hills.
He's a history buff, you know, so you see why I would imagine such a scene. Sadly, this was not to be. But wouldn't it be a great initiative, getting players to knock out artistic renditions of themselves? For charity, yo. Terry Campese, holla! I would enter into the spirit of the auction for Campo's self portrait with extreme enthusiasm and fist fulls of dollars, believe you me. You just know he'd be all dimples and baseball cap and retro-Queanbeyan-real. T. Camps to Queanbeyan is what Jay Z is to Brooklyn, basically.
Also, and this is something I've been ruminating over for some time and have considered canvassing opinions for but haven't because does We Need To Talk About Todd LOOK like a fucking democracy to you? - OF COURSE NOT - I kind of think that Terry Campese is the Ferris Bueller of the NRL:
"Oh well he's very popular Ed - the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads; they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."If that quote doesn't scream Terry Campese then I don't know what would. Other than Advanced Hair's "yeah yeah", BUT HE TURNED THAT LUCRATIVE SPOKESPERSON OFFER DOWN, REMEMBER? He lives in Queanbeyan - the town runs on ratstails and ring worm - what the fuck does he want with Advanced Hair? Answer: Nothing. Adorable. This just further confirms his awesome appeal - he may just be the least pretentious man in league. The loveliest, too. I happen to know this personally, just quietly. Team Tez!
The other serious contender for the Ferris Bueller of the NRL title in my mind (well, where else - there's a party in there, y'know) was Benji Marshall. He's got the popularity and the charisma...but his head's too pointy. Just kidding. It's just that Campo is lovelier all round. He's got you beat, Benji; now jog on.
Next Week: I discuss who is the Cameron Fry of the NRL, to the funereal tune of
"When Cameron was in Egypt land...let my Cameron go"I haven't given this any thought, since it just occured to me and all, but nominations need to be someone who is a) somewhat overlooked, b) somewhat infuriating c) in possession of something of a bad attitude, be it from shyness, arrogance or crippling social anxiety, and d) somewhat loveable 'despite it all'.
For mine, Darius Boyd springs immediately to mind. Too obvious? We'll see.
Anyway, this is what it's come to, in Round 22, 2011; or, more accurately and evocatively: the most one-sided finals race in 40-odd years of football. At this time last year, TWELVE teams were in contention for the finals spots. This is why I now have all this airy, vacant space available in my mind that allows me room to consider weighty topics such as those aired above.
So the top eight is pretty well cut and dried. All very nice if you like that kind of thing. I don't.
What I do like is the fact that I fly to Bali in two days and no longer feel like I will be missing out on many 'white knuckle it and then burst into lavish tears when it's over' type games regarding the run to the finals.
Maybe I'll even bump into some Raiders, Roosters or Titans who are there taking an early Mad Monday?
HELL YES. I LIVE IN HOPE.
(I think that's what they call taking the 'Glass Half Full' approach to a situation, right? I'm not sure. It's entirely unfamiliar to me up until now if in fact that's what it is..)