Tuesday, 17 May 2011

"Get in the Ring Motherfucka": Gallop Challenges Stewart / Hassler

...patron saint and coiner of the 'get in the ring motherfucka' invitation, also my fashion icon

Dear Brett Stewart,
Stop being a whiny bitch. Everyone knows you've had two years of hell. I sympathise, really I do, but you're starting to come over all bitter. No one likes a bitter fullback, THEY'RE THE WORST. Even Billy Slater seems to understand this.

And why you wanna bitch out David Gallop at every oppurtunity? I get that you're all damaged and distrustful but I think you also may be more than a little bit deranged. It wasn't Gallop dragging you through the courts on all manner of sexual assault charges now was it? All he did was suspend your drunk ass, and fair play to him. No one wants to see the newly minted Face of the Game staggering into street furniture.

Now, nobody wanted to see anything like the unpleasantness that unfolded next happen to you either, believe you me. I wouldn't even wish that shit on a Bronco. But, seriously, you really wanna hijack your own 100th try celebration moment and forevever associate it with your beef with Gallop? Really?This is one battle THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN.

Pull your head in. Enjoy these last few years you have with all your hair. If you must, take that massively oversized axe you have to grind out onto the field with you and unleash some hell that way - it's socially accepted violence! Know that you're in a totally privileged position - most of us only get to release our inner turmoil by way of screaming into pillows and quietly weeping in the shower or car - you get to knock people down each week and are payed handsomely for it.

Brett, for the love of god and league, come down off your cross already*.

A little perspective, please.

kay thanx.

P.s. Purely for the purposes of improving your poor public image, I'm sure you won't object to my publishing some semi-gratuitous pictures of you from back when you seemed to enjoy life....

*yikes. There's a sentence you don't want to have to say too often if you can possibly help it.

Brett Stewart at NRL launch party*.
*may not actually be Brett Stewart at NRL launch Party.

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