Monday, 23 May 2011

Corey Parker Fights the Power and Other Unauthorised Ravings of the 'I Love League' Variety..

Corey Parker's next tattoo

So. Another day, another reason to love Paul Gallen. I just heard his favourite player of all time (Kanye: OF.ALL.TIME!!!) is Bradley Clyde. A retro Raider! Good for you Gal.

Years ago, my stepdad got swept up in the excitement of a Navy gala auction of some kind and, as a present for my brother, bid furiously on and eventually won a soiled tracksuit signed by Brad Fittler, who he'd mixed up with Bradley Clyde. Anyway, my brother didn't want a damn bar of it, and to this day I still wear that tracksuit. Just kidding. My stepdad marked it up and sold it on, it's the Navy way. Like webcam.

Last year during finals time I became alittle swept up myself, what with the Roosters being my number two team and all. I started emailing my brother candid shots of Braith Anasta and Anthony Minichello, and probably Todd Carney too. This, knowing he hates the Roosters with a passion that borders on the pathalogical (but who doesn't, aside from me, James Packer, John Ibrahim and those chook-pen dwelling degenerates?) and also knowing full well he's never forgiven Carney for ballsing up so bad back at Canberra and putting the kaibosh on what could have been a beautiful relationship.* He finally responded with a terse one line demand: 'stop sending me Roosters pictures, they offend me'. He's sensitive that way.

offensive? I think not
  *Not too long ago we had one of those reverential, nostalgia-tinged 'imagine-if' conversations to the tune of 'imagine if he was still there and playing alongside Duges how fucking phenomenal would that be?' and both of us ended up trailing off and then terminating the conversation abruptly in that way you do when touching on subjects too raw and painful to bear thinking about.

what was....

...and what is.

Memos of the Miscellaneous Variety.

Re. Dave Taylor in Origin.

And they said he was too fat. Has George Rose aka the poster boy for the player with the fuller figure blazed a trail or what? Dave Taylor represent!

Here's me thinking he got left out of selection and theorising freely that the fact that he drives a RAV4 had something (or everything) to do with it. Don't try and tell me that selectors didn't take this into consideration and express deep concern. You know, along the lines of it just not seeming right to give a spot to a mammoth man FROM ROCKHAMPTON who drives around in a hairdresser's car. Anyone who's ever been to Rockhampton knows that the place is like the Deni Ute Muster ALL YEAR ROUND. I shit you not. The place is lousy with them. You're nobody in that town if you don't drive at least one ute, and have at least one more in the garage at home. Preferably a feral one. You know, for a project. Or pig-shooting. Trust me, I know, I considered moving there.

Re. Corey Parker's Origin selection.

I'm a little ambivalent about this guy. My Bronco loving mate isn't. He nominated Corey Parker, after about 20 seconds of deep thought, as the stupidest man in league. I'd posed the question but I can't for the life of me remember who I'd thrown up for my pick. Dane Tilse? Maybe. Timana Tahu? Probably.

In his favour, he's Michael Ennis' best mate, which I like, and they both call each other 'Bruce', which I love. I guess he can play an okay game too, he seems solid enough.

Anyway, because I'm shallow as hell it only takes one small incident, however innocuous, to send people, places or organisations screaming up my Shitlist or, more rarely, my Lovelist. It's just my way. Parker made the latter WITH A BULLET a few weeks ago.

There he was, screaming expletive laden instructions and getting all up in the grills of the Baby Broncos out there filling in the Origin gaps when Cecchin FLIPS OUT and starts in with talk of sin bins and dissent. HUH??

It played out alittle something like this:
(or it would have if it had of been Braith Anasta. You get the idea).

Parker yelled something along the lines of having the right to address his teammates in any way he saw fit, and then Cecchin forgets himself completely and busts out the gesture beloved by patronising superiors in workplaces the world over: he laid his hand on Parker's arm. As in 'cool it, fool, and submit to my might' (or something). That is some 'The Slap' shit right there, by the way.

From here all it took was Parker snapping "DON'T TOUCH ME!" and I pretty much approved of and authorised his existence entirely right then and there because I say exactly the same thing when men in pink shirts lay their hands on me. It happens A LOT you know.

Re: Tom Leahroyd Lahrs: what the..?

He finally finds some form in the City-Country clash only to fracture his cheekbone and his eye socket while BLOWING HIS NOSE, IN THE DRESSING ROOM, AFTER FULL TIME? Bitch must blow with some serious gusto. Whooooshka!

Re: Is this a great country or what?

The Match Review Committee established a few weeks ago that Jeremy Smith's hand appearing to 'make contact' with Cowboy Kalifa Faifai Loa's backdoor was a "prank gone wrong". They're inter-team cousins alright, calm down people! Digital penetration in public is totally acceptable among cousins! I know if I had a huge hot cousin of the caliber of Faifai Loa I would totally thumb him by way of greeting too. High fives and ghetto handskes are tre`s pass`e.

In their ruling they said of Smith that "his finger is actually touching the lower left buttock and the player said there was no pressure applied" and I imagine everyone is relieved.

a more traditional way of greeting
Re: Footballers on trains. Doesn't seem right somehow.

Manly battle axe Joe Galuvao has been forced to ride the rails to and fro training. Not because he lost his license like everyone else in league at one stage or another but because of petrol and toll prices and the demands of his towering mortgage. The trip from way out West to Narabeen takes him two hours and he says that although it's not that bad "the biggest thing is all the weirdos on the trains".
Well, welcome to the real world, Joe. It's a jungle out here.

Still, I get what Galuvao's saying:

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